Questioning your boyfriend's faithfulness without confronting him can lead to more problems. While a change in your boyfriend's behavior could indicate that he is cheating, that is not always the case. The way you deal with suspicions of a boyfriend cheating can make or break your relationship.
Do Not Snoop
Snooping through your boyfriend's belongings or spying on him works against you, says Liesel N. Aranyosi, a therapist and author of the article, "Why It's Counterproductive to Snoop When You're Suspicious of Your Partner" on the website, PsychCentral. When you snoop, you are violating your partner's trust and invading his privacy and personal space. For instance, confronting your boyfriend with an email you found on his computer is not conducive to having a conversation about your suspicions. Rather, it sets the scene for him to be defensive since you violated both his trust and his privacy. Under these circumstances, a productive conversation about your suspicions is not likely, regardless of if he is cheating or not.
Bring Up Your Suspicions
If you think your boyfriend may be cheating on you, it can be beneficial to have a sincere, open discussion with him, says Aranyosi. Ask your boyfriend to sit down with you for a serious conversation. Pick a time when you are both relaxed and a place where you can talk privately. Aranyosi suggests that you begin the conversation by stating your worries and suspicions and your reasons for feeling that way. Keep in mind that you are looking for a resolution. Don't make any accusations, but be specific as to why you feel he may be cheating. For instance, you might say, "I've noticed that you and so-and-so have been talking more lately and it makes me wonder if something might be going on."
Listen to Your Boyfriend
After you present your suspicions to your boyfriend, listen to what he has to say. It's important that you give your boyfriend an opportunity to explain any suspicions you have and to admit to any possible infidelity, says Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist and author of the article, "If You Think Your Partner Is Cheating" on the Psychology Today website. Listen without interrupting and do not be argumentative. Aranyosi suggests that you repeat back what he has said to clarify and avoid misunderstanding what he has said.
Think About Your Relationship
If your boyfriend confirms your suspicions that he is cheating, decide if you want to continue your relationship. Cheating does not have to mean your relationship is over, but it will take a significant amount of work to get it back on track, says Goldsmith. When making your decision, take into account if there is a history of cheating, if he takes responsibility for his behavior and if he is apologetic for hurting you. It's very important to consider if you will you be able to recover from his breach of trust, says Dr. Phil in the article, "Seven Questions to Ask if Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful" on Dr. Phil's website. Carefully consider if you want to and if you are able to move forward and rebuild the trust you have lost.
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