What Can a Guy Say to Make a Girl Feel Loved?

The right words can show your love.
... Comstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty Images

Since no two girls are exactly alike, you need to get to know your girlfriend in ways that will help you understand how to help her feel loved. If you truly care for her, then getting to know and understand her will be fun.

1 Ask Questions That Show Interest in Her

Ironically, the questions you ask a girl to get to know her usually send a loving vibe, so you may be on the right track already. Ask about experiences, thoughts and feelings. For example, "What is the best thing that ever happened to you?" "What makes you more angry than anything, and why?" "What do you like best/least about your family?" or "What did you think about the discussion in social studies class?" If you ask and really listen to the answers, this should let her know that you are interested in her.

2 Use Invitations to Convey Your Love

Ask about her favorite place to go and take her there. If she likes to play tennis and you’ve never been on the court, ask her if she'll teach you. Tell her about your favorite food from your favorite restaurant and say that you’d love to take her there so she can experience it with you. Invitations based on her likes and your desire to share experiences and time with her can convey that you care.

3 Make Your Compliments Personal, Not Generic

If you assume that “girls like to hear this” -- whatever “this” is -- and then say it, that can be kind of insulting, because you are not seeing the girl for who she is. You’d just be lumping her into a stereotypical “girl” category. Instead, make it personal. Tell her you admired that she offered the shy girl a seat at the lunch table, or the way she sang in the school play -- or whatever it is that in your mind makes her stand out above the rest. Focus on things she does that say something about who she is, rather than her looks. If you make it personal, it will sound genuine rather than trite, because it is.

4 Pay Attention to Her Reaction, Then Choose Your Words

On the other hand, it’s entirely possible that the girl you love doesn’t really need to hear lots of mushy compliments. A well-known book called "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman, identifies things that make people feel loved. Some need words of appreciation, but others need touching, time alone together, unexpected gifts or acts of help. If her "love language" is acts of help, helping her study or wash her car might feel more loving to her than telling her she looks pretty. Notice how she reacts to your different attempts at conveying love to determine which ones speak to her.

5 Show, Don’t Just Tell

According to marriage and family counselor Steven Kalas, writing for the "Las Vegas Review Journal," words and actions are both important in showing love. If you tell your girlfriend she is the love of your life but she sees you staring longingly at other girls who walk by, she’ll eventually doubt your words. So even if words are very important to your girlfriend, in the end they will mean nothing without loving actions to back them up.

Lisa C. DeLuca is a psychotherapist, social worker and writer. Her clinical practice focuses on teens, couples, families, men and women and the elderly. Lisa's specialties include cognitive behavioral therapy for panic disorder, family systems therapy, relationship coaching, parenting and family caregiving at the end of life. She earned a master's degree in social work from Stony Brook University and has been writing professionally since 1984.