Can I Fall in Love With Someone I'm Not Attracted To?

You can take a friendship to a romantic relationship.
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Whether the initial electricity wore off or you never really felt that special spark, wondering if you can love someone who you aren't physically attracted to isn't entirely uncommon. Before you rush to ditch your relationship or disregard a possible love connection, consider the entire range of feelings that you have towards the other person and what you are truly looking for in a romantic partner.

1 Initial Attraction

Attraction and love aren't always the same thing. Sometimes the two aren't even in the same ballpark. Although plenty of loving relationships spring from an intense initial attraction, the physical connection that you feel towards someone else doesn't always signal something deeper. An overwhelming attraction without anything else -- such as closeness -- is more like lust than love. That said, an outrageously intense attraction often quickly fizzles, leaving behind no real relationship in its wake. If this is what you're experiencing, don't expect to suddenly fall in love with the object of your infatuation.

2 Combination Factor

While intense attraction on its own isn't enough to sustain a real relationship, what happens if it's never there in the first place? Unlike an attraction that fades, never having it isn't likely to land you in love. Falling in love takes a combination of factors that include attraction, closeness and commitment, suggests the article "Love and Romance" on the TeensHealth website. When you have no attraction to begin with, it's unlikely that you'll continue on in the relationship long enough to develop a close emotional bond. Without this bond, you can't have a true love commitment.

3 Beyond the Phsycial

Before you completely throw out the idea of loving someone who you think that you're not attracted to, take another look at what attraction is. While physical attraction is often foremost on the minds of young daters, you'll also find that other parts of the people you date can pull you in. As you mature, you'll begin to develop attractions based on inner qualities such as intelligence or a sense of humor. Doing so makes it possible to fall in love with someone who isn't necessarily a beauty queen or a handsome hunk, but is kind, quirky, funny and super-smart.

4 Growing Attraction

Just because you don't feel attraction off the bat doesn't mean that there's a 100 percent failure rate when it comes to falling in love. While you might not want to stick around long enough to develop closeness with someone who isn't attractive to you, if that person has something that grabs your attention, you may want to get to know him better. This doesn't mean that you should start dating the person immediately; instead, kick things off as friends. As your friendship grows, you can see if an attraction eventually builds, turning platonic love into the romantic kind.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.