Research by Fhionna Moore, a behavioral researcher at the University of Abertay Dundee in Scotland, and published in the book "Glucocorticoids - New Recognition of Our Familiar Friend," proves that not only is an anxious demeanor unhealthy for you, it could also be bad for your chances at dating. Moore’s research shows that a high level of cortisol, a chemical that correlates with your body's stress levels, is often unconsciously processed as unattractive when detected by women looking for love. However, if you’re a naturally stressed out person, there are many strategies you can use to stay calm and confident when approaching the girl of your dreams.
Be a Conversationalist
Some girls are chatty enough to direct a conversation, but when they’re not, be prepared to play the role of the social butterfly. You don’t have to be an expert on everything that’s going on in the world today, but you should have at least a small mental list of subjects to talk about with various people. You can chat about local events, interesting news you heard during the day or even your surroundings. When all else fails, take the role of a listener and ask her a few questions about herself. Keep the conversation lighthearted and avoid too much bragging about yourself.
You don’t have to be a professional athlete, but try to fit in at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day. Over time, exercise can increase your body’s resistance to stress and help you manage daily anxiety. In addition, you can become more confident in your overall appearance, as you’ll be managing your weight and building muscle. If you happen to run into a girl who’s interested in fitness, you will be able to compare workout routines. Maybe you’ll even score a workout buddy.
Pay Attention to Posture
Posture plays a big role in not only looking confident but also feeling confident. A 2010 study entitled "Power Posing: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Neuroendocrine Levels and Risk Tolerance," published by researchers from Columbia University and Harvard University in the journal "Psychological Science," revealed that the way you physically carry yourself can have both positive and negative influences on your emotional state. For example, assuming an open and expansive posture reduces stress levels throughout the body, while meek and closed postures invoke feelings of helplessness. Before you approach the girl of your dreams, remember to stand tall and take up a bit of space -- without seeming overbearing.
Joke, but Play Nice
Don’t be afraid to be playful. Many girls find a strong sense of humor to be attractive. Make humorous observations or tell amusing tales, but remember not to be too caustic with your wit. This is especially true if you plan to tease her or even make fun of yourself. Keep bitterness out of your humor, and just have fun. If you find that you’re laughing at your jokes more than she is, be prepared to admit you don’t share the same humor.
Even if you’re following the above strategies, don’t expect every girl you meet to fall in love with you. There’s no reason to fear failure, however. In fact, part of being confident is learning to stay positive whether you win or lose. Don’t focus too much on future outcomes when you’re flirting; stay focused on having fun in the present.
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