How to Accept Rejection in Love

Overcome the pain of rejection and regain hope for the future.
... Jupiterimages/Stockbyte/Getty Images

It's never easy to accept rejection of any kind, and rejection in love can be the most difficult to deal with. People are social animals and personal relationships help define their identity, so when you suffer rejection it can upset your emotional balance. Finding ways to put the experience into perspective can help you accept the reality of your situation and ease the pain of the rejection.

1 Understand Rejection

It helps to know that almost everyone suffers from love rejection at some point in their lives. The only sure way to avoid rejection is to avoid taking any risks. This is not desirable because those who never risk anything are certain to lose even more by missing great opportunities. Relationship counselor Elly Prior tells us on her website that rejection involves disappointment that often leads to self-doubt. Recognizing these feelings can help you put your negative emotions into perspective and conquer them.

2 Be Optimistic

It's normal to want to give up after you've experienced rejection in love, but it's better to be optimistic about your future. Try to see that losing the partner you thought you wanted has freed you up to meet someone else who is better suited. Most people meet their true love only after earlier rejections by the wrong partners. Focus on your strengths and don't waste time over-analyzing what might have gone wrong. Look ahead to the future and know it will be better.

3 Put Things In Perspective

Try not to dwell on your negative feelings. This doesn't mean you shouldn't allow yourself some time to feel the pain of the rejection, but don't focus all your energy on reliving the hurt. Although it's natural to blame yourself for things you believe you did wrong in the relationship, remember that your partner likely made mistakes too. Channel your thoughts toward the strengths you have and don't exaggerate your role in the rejection. Allow yourself to feel anger toward your partner's contribution to the breakdown of the relationship.

4 Learn From Your Past

If you've suffered rejection in the past, it's likely to increase the pain you feel now. You might believe you're doomed to keep repeating the disappointment of rejection and that you'll never find lasting love. If you find yourself having thoughts such as, "I'm unlovable," recognize this is destructive and look for other explanations for the rejection. Analyzing your past relationships from a constructive point of view can help you discover something about yourself that needs changing. Perhaps you've been attracted to partners with characteristics that just aren't compatible with your personality. This realization can help you seek out a more suitable partner in the future.

Freddie Silver started writing newsletters for the Toronto District School Board in 1997. Her areas of expertise include staff management and professional development. She holds a master's degree in psychology from the University of Toronto and is currently pursuing her PhD at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, focusing on emotions and professional relationships.