Male and Female Insecurities When Starting a Relationship

Many people enter a new relationship with high hopes and expectations. Unfortunately, you may also bring along the baggage of past hurts, low self-confidence, and fear of rejection and disappointment, says the article "How Insecurities Can Harm Your Relationship," on TwoOfUs.org. Some of these insecurities stem from experiences in other relationships, while others may be as a result of your own sense of self-worth and confidence. Unfortunately, insecurities can create conflict and misunderstandings between romantic partners. Therefore, it is important to be aware of what your particular shortcomings are, and then find ways to deal with them.

If you have been hurt in the past by someone you loved and trusted, new relationships can be especially intimidating for you. Starting a relationship means that you must allow someone else to get close to you as you grow close to them. Partners in a relationship open up with each other, sometimes in deeper ways than siblings or best friends. You share your fears, secrets, hopes and dreams, and this can make you feel vulnerable. The closer you get to someone, the more it will hurt if he disappoints you or lets you down in any way. Some people protect themselves by shutting down emotionally, avoiding any instances where they have to talk about how they are feeling, says psychologist Margaret Paul in the article "Fear of Intimacy" on Your Tango.

Both men and women feel more self-conscious than usual when they interact with someone new or get into a new relationship. They are usually concerned about making the right impression and keeping up appearances. You do not want to do or say anything that will send the wrong messages or make your date think negatively of you. You will be extra cautious about how you dress, what you say, and how you act. You want your new partner to keep liking you and enjoy being with you. You consider that the more your partner likes you, the less likely he or she will be to reject you by breaking up and choosing someone else to be with. Therefore, you do all that you can to present a positive image of yourself.

Insecurities usually arise around the building of trust in a new relationship. When you are just getting to know someone in an intimate way, time and experience are necessary for you to have confidence in what they will say and do. You will be concerned about proving that you are someone who can be taken at her word, and who can be trusted. Until you get to that point with your partner, you may be overly clingy, always texting or calling to see what the other is doing. You may feel pangs of jealousy if your partner is being extra friendly with someone else.

Your experiences of past failed relationships can cause you to be fearful of the new one you are starting. Whether with your family, relatives or another intimate partner, the thought of going through the same negative experiences again can understandably give you jitters. These memories can be triggered if your partner either says or does something that your previous partner would normally say or do. This involves being overly possessive or jealous, unwilling to compromise, constantly breaking promises, talking too much about former partners, or breaking trust by sharing your secrets.