When it comes to searching for love, your attitude plays a large role in your failures and successes, suggests behavioral scientist Christie Hartman in her article, "Day 1: How's Your Attitude about Dating?" For example, if you carry resentment for the opposite sex or expect the worst from your dating attempts, your negativity will undermine your goals of attracting and keeping a love interest. Change your perspective on love from pessimistic to optimistic, and you just might find a lasting relationship.
Reassess Your Predictions
Catastrophizing is a common negative mindset that involves predicting the worst possible outcome, explains Joanna Fishman, director of Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney, in the PsychCentral article, "Positive Psychology: The Benefits of Living Positively." Feeling this way can cause a person to turn a slightly uncomfortable interaction into an overreaction. For example, you might catch yourself thinking, "This is going to be a total disaster, just like all the others." Reassess negative thoughts and consider another potential outcome. Say to yourself, "This date is going to go fine. It's with a different person and it's full of potential."
Polarizing is a negative mindset in which you tend to see the world in either black or white, explains Fishman. For example, you might believe all of your past dating attempts have been total failures, and you are waiting for that one successful attempt. Re-evaluate those dates. Chances are both good and bad things occurred during all of them, but you are over-emphasizing the negatives. In another example, you might think, "All men are cheaters." Acknowledge that some men do cheat, but there are also loyal men out there as well.
List the Positives
Take note of all the positives, big or small, suggests Donna M. White, licensed clinical professional counselor, in the PsychCentral article, "Challenging Our Cognitive Distortions and Creating Positive Outlooks." For example, after your next date, be thankful that the man you met was enough of a gentleman to pay the bill and that you were able to relate on several issues. Even if you both decided you weren't right for each other at the end of the night, those positive points can keep you enthusiastic about meeting new people in the future. Enjoy the dating process even if you haven't yet met "the one."
Focus on Solutions
Think like a problem solver, rather than dwelling on obstacles in love, and this will improve your attitude toward dating, suggests Hartman. For example, if women always seem to turn down your advances, it's time to rethink your approach. Consider that perhaps you are asking the wrong types of women out. Perhaps your nervousness shows through when you're talking to women, and this in turn makes you seem desperate. Brainstorm potential solutions and continue onward with trial and error. Not everyone you meet will be right for you, but you shouldn't give up.
- Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images