How to Talk to a Girl if She Hates You

Talking to a girl who hates you is tricky, but doable.
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So, you’ve found yourself in a position where you want to talk to a girl who hates your guts. Don’t despair. She may try to act as if you don’t exist or she may treat you like the ant she just crushed on her way to class, when you approach her. But you may be able to break down the barriers, if you approach this issue delicately.

1 Figure Out Why She Wishes You'd Vanish

2 Think about your past behavior

Think about your past behavior. Did you do anything directly to her that made her upset? Did you cut her off in class recently? If you are guilty, did you ever acknowledge her feelings or apologize?

3 Observe her behavior

Observe her behavior when she’s around you. Is she getting anything out of hating you? For example, is she making fun of you in front of her friends so that she can get a few laughs?

4 Ask a trusted friend

Ask a trusted friend to get the inside scoop about why she hates you if you can’t figure it out by yourself. You may get a completely surprising answer, like she hates you because she thinks you’re conceited.

5 Take a Deep Breath, Then Say Something

6 Approach

Approach her when she’s alone after you’ve figured out why she hates you. She has probably told her friends that she doesn’t like you. So, if you approach her in front of her friends, she may go into ultra-hatred mode to prove to her friends that she is for real. But if you approach her when she’s going solo, you can eliminate this issue.

7 Think of something

Think of something to say to begin the conversation. This can be tricky, but the key is to bring up something neutral, says Daniel Menaker on You can try making a comment about the latest video that went viral or the silly new school rule. Or, you can even comment about the crazy weather that’s been making the news recently, suggests J. Cameron Gantt, a relationship expert on YourTango.

8 Get her to talk about herself

Get her to talk about herself. The best way for you to do this is to ask her questions. You don’t want to come across as creepy though, so stick to asking her questions about the neutral topic you brought up with her. For example, you can ask her if she had an umbrella for the surprise rainstorm that happened or if she ever passes along viral videos to her friends. If you can get her talking about herself she will begin to see you as a person who not hate-worthy.

  • If you use humor to break the ice, don’t make fun of someone else. She may not find it funny and it can work against you. Instead of her laughing, she may think that you’re mean which may make her hate you even more.
  • If she still hates you after trying your hardest to break the ice, then stop wasting your time trying to get her to talk to you. She is probably closed off from getting to know you and you can move on knowing that you did your part to clear the air.

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.