How to Read Mixed Signals in Relationships

No matter how long your relationship has lasted, mixed signals are both confusing and frustrating. One day your partner declares her lasting love, while the next day she is distant and hard to reach. In the earliest stages of dating, some ambivalence is normal as both people figure out what they want from the relationship. As time moves on, however, mixed signals can spell disaster for any relationship.

In an article for Psychology Today, psychologist Linda Young notes that people waffle about their relationships for different reasons. Some people set out to manipulate prospective partners, playing mind games for the fun of it. However, a more common reason for mixed signals is that the person is truly confused. Young points out that many people struggle with finding a balance between such conflicts as independence versus connection or excitement versus peace. Talk to your partner about his emotions and fears before writing him off altogether.

When people are ambivalent about a relationship, they are sometimes highly guarded about what they reveal, notes eHarmony.com. If your partner is not forthcoming about her likes and dislikes, her feelings toward her ex or her thoughts about the relationship, you might feel distrustful. If you sense a problem, but she refuses to discuss it, you might feel pushed away or unimportant. Although these white lies and lies of omission do not necessarily involve deep or meaningful topics, too many of them will destroy a relationship’s base.

If your partner sends mixed signals, your first move is deciding how long you will put up with ambivalence, suggests eHarmony.com. Waiting a few weeks for a new partner to warm up is reasonable, while holding out for months or years is unhealthy. Decide what you need -- such as more honest communication or a projected timeline for becoming more serious -- and clearly spell it out. Be direct but gentle, and then back off. Nagging and begging further damage the relationship and do nothing to get what you want. Give your partner time and distance to make a decision.

If your partner continues to send mixed signals despite your direct requests, it might be time to move on. Think through your decision carefully rather than reacting in anger to a particular argument. Weigh the pros and cons of remaining with your current partner and check in with your instincts. Gracefully leaving an ambivalent relationship frees both of you to find new partners who are more compatible.