Time has gone by, and you thought the person you were dating would settle down and want to date you exclusively. You even daydreamed about what it would be like to be a "Real Couple." But instead, you’ve found yourself in a no-commitment relationship. Although it can be difficult to see the silver lining in this situation, you can use this experience to grow as a person.
Making Sense of a No-Commitment Relationship
Understand that this was out of your control. There is no need to go over all of the things that you could’ve done to change this situation. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make another person become ready to commit to you; in fact, it often pushes that person away, suggests D. Kay Hutchinson in an article entitled, “Commitment Phobia: Learn How to Spot and Deal with It,” on YourTango.
Know you couldn’t have predicted the future. You may be tempted to beat yourself up thinking that you should have known better than to be with this person. Don’t waste your time being mean to yourself. There was no way for you to know how this story would end.
Realize that your former crush was simply being human. And humans change their mind all the time about a lot of things. So, even if you spent a lot of time talking to your former crush about your future together and making plans, he is allowed to do something entirely different from what he told you before.
Moving on With Pride
Let go of any hope -- even the tiniest bit -- that he will change his mind about your relationship. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking can prevent you from fully moving on. The sad reality is, however, that he is unlikely to change his mind. And, even if he did, would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is reluctantly committing to you? Probably not.
Make a clean break. Try not to drag this thing out. Although this will be difficult for you, try to focus on not spending any more time in a relationship that isn’t what you want. Otherwise, you can find yourself still in it for weeks, months or even years -- unless you make a decision to completely end all contact. So delete all phone numbers, email addresses and other contact information from this person. Unfriend and stop following him on all social media. Although this may sound harsh, it is often the only way to move on.
Learn from this experience. Relationships like this can teach you how to be clear about what you want in a love relationship, which is a valuable skill. They can also help you learn how to stay true to yourself, which is what this stage of dating is all about suggests an article entitled, “Dating 101: What I Learned in High School” on YourTango.com.
- Try not to keep contacting him to ask questions about why he never committed to you. He may not know why. Or, he may be uncomfortable telling you the reasons. Continuing to talk to him about this issue will leave you with more unanswered questions. Instead, try to accept that he didn’t want to commit and move on.
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