Why Is It So Hard to Get Over a Guy?

Staying active can help you move on.
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Whether you are trying to get over someone you had a few dates with or someone you spent two years with, moving on is hard. Getting over someone is a process that is painful, unpredictable and takes time. You may feel that you will never get over him; but the good news is -- you will. If you feel trapped in the throes of heartache, it can be helpful to understand why you are having such a hard time.

1 Acceptance and Letting Go

If you are still hoping to reconcile or to get another chance, then you have not accepted that the relationship is over. The first step to getting over someone is acceptance. Acceptance is healing and is a necessary part of letting go, according to psychiatrist Mark Banschick in his "Huffington Post" article “Getting Over Him in Six Steps.” Once you accept that it is completely over, you will have a much easier time grieving and moving on. Acceptance means freedom, according to Banschick.

2 Breaking the Attachment

When you are in a close relationship with someone, it is natural to become attached to him. Attachment evolves in relationships where you come to rely and depend on him. It can also happen really quickly when you open your heart to him. Letting go of someone as an attachment figure can be one of the hardest parts of getting over that person, according to Samantha Joel in her "Psychology Today" article “How to Get Over an Ex.” To break this attachment, it is wise to cut off all contact at least temporarily; it will make moving on easier. Looking to family and friends to fill your attachment needs can be really helpful, encourages Joel.

3 Stop the Self-Blame

When a relationship doesn’t work out, it is very common to blame yourself. You may be wondering what’s wrong with you or if you did something to cause things not to work out. Stop analyzing the reasons. Getting caught up in self-blame is painful, counterproductive and actually keeps you engaged in the relationship. If you are still trying to figure out what you did wrong and how to "fix" it, then you haven’t accepted that it’s over.

4 Love Yourself

It is not unusual to idealize someone when trying to move on. You only may be focusing on the positive aspects of his personality and forgetting that neither he nor the relationship was perfect. It is important not to romanticize what once was or to endow him with attributes he didn’t have. Instead focus on loving yourself. Spending time with people who love you, focusing on sports or hobbies that you enjoy and using positive self-talk -- for example, "I am fun to be around," or "I am a great athlete" -- all help build confidence and foster self-love.

Dr. Jacqueline Simon Gunn is a clinical psychologist in private practice and author. Her published books include "In the Therapist’s Chair," "Bare: Psychotherapy Stripped" and "Borderline Personality Disorder: New Perspectives on a Stigmatizing and Overused Diagnosis." Her new book "In the Long Run" will be released in 2015.