How to Have a Good Long Conversation With Someone You Like

The art of good conversation lies in understanding your partner’s emotional needs.
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Talking about your hopes, dreams and problems with someone you admire is a necessary process, as it relieves stress and can make you feel connected to her. Make time to be with that person and chat. Being able to hold a conversation and contribute meaningfully to the life of the person you like will be a productive and fulfilling experience for both of you.

1 The Art of Mirroring

Try to match the emotions of the person you want to talk to. For example, if he is shy, tone down your reactions while talking and focus on demonstrating your genuineness and honesty. Shy people are generally more willing to be open with those who are calm and comfortable having a slow-paced conversation that goes deeper into the topic. Outgoing and talkative people are likely to prefer a fast-paced conversation that covers many topics. Either way, be warm, honest and approachable -- this will lead to deeper and more meaningful interactions.

2 Talk Less and Listen More

One way to facilitate good conversation is to be a good listener. By truly listening to her, you will find out new information and begin to form a closer bond. Instead of trying to talk over her and give your point of view, ask open-ended questions and ask for more details after she gives you a response. For example, ask her why her family moved to this city and then follow up by asking her to tell you about her favorite place to hang out. This will make the conversation more meaningful for you and make her feel good when she discovers that you want to listen.

3 Lighten Up

A good way of maintaining a healthy conversation is to be cheerful and good humored. Humor is a great way of making people feel at ease and facilitating relationships between couples, according to a 2001 article in the journal “Humor” by Arnie Cann et al. Humor can break the ice in awkward conversational circumstances, get people to open up to you and maintain the conversation over a long period of time. But the key is to use it to show that you are fun to be around, rather than as a way to make fun of others or insult people. So talk about the time you accidentally wore mismatched shoes to school, mistakenly died your hair blue or were in class and just couldn't stop laughing. He will be drawn to your light heartedness.

4 Avoid Awkward Topics

Understanding what your partner or friend wants to talk about is an important part of maintaining a healthy conversation. Avoid certain topics if you want your friend to be comfortable and talk to you for a longer period of time. For example, in the early dating stages, unless there is a specific reason for talking about these issues, avoid topics such as your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, health problems, politics and marriage, suggests author and life coach Lisa Shultz on the Your Tango website. Try to understand your partner’s needs and act accordingly when speaking.

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.