Your best friend at college is the life of the party, while you prefer solitude and reading classic literature. Guys seem to gravitate toward her -- while you sit on the outskirts watching it all unfold. Not only that, but when a guy has been interested in you, it never seems to get past the initial small-talk phase. As an introvert, you might wonder if you are doing something that is causing men to become frustrated and walk the other way.
Some introverted women can be mistakenly labeled "stuck-up" or "aloof," writes behavioral scientist Christie Hartman in the article "Are You an Attractive Introvert?" from her website. If you come across as unfriendly or hard to approach, a guy might decide that it is too frustrating to figure you out and opt for your more extroverted friend. You can make yourself more approachable with open body language (facing others at a party), good eye contact and a friendly smile.
Struggle to Talk
Consider your reaction when a guy finally does approach you -- do you engage in conversation with him or keep quiet and notice his frustration growing? Introverts are usually reserved during small talk, which can force the other person to do most of the talking, says Hartman. Suggest that the two of you find a quiet setting to talk, and try to find conversation topics that spark your interest, such as a favorite hobby that you two share. Introverts also prefer the written word to in-person chats, according to author and certified speaking professional Jennifer Kahnweiler, Ph.D., as cited in the "Psych Central" article "Seven Persistent Myths About Introverts and Extroverts" -- so ask to exchange email addresses or cellphone numbers and then build a connection via electronic communication.
In a relationship, a guy might have trouble understanding your need for alone time as an introvert -- and become frustrated if he is an extrovert who gathers energy from being around people. Introverts become overstimulated by the outside world and need time alone to gather strength, says clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe, as cited in the "Psych Central" article. If you are in a relationship with a guy who wants to party every weekend, either the two of you will need to compromise or you will continue to face challenges. Consider alternating between doing quiet solitary activities and more outwardly driven fun to keep both of you happy and satisfied.
Introverts process information more deeply and take longer to make decisions, writes anthropologist Catherine H. Knott in the "Aspen Education Group" article "Intriguing and Intelligent: Three Ways to Nurture the Introverted Teenager." Though this can be a positive attribute when it comes to carefully weighing your options, it could be frustrating for a guy if it takes you five minutes to choose between rocky road and cookie dough flavors at the ice cream counter. Realize that some decisions can be made quickly and without too much thought -- and learn to make those split-second decisions that are really of no consequence.
- Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images