How to Have a Relationship With a Loner

Dating a loner doesn't have to isolate you.
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Your boyfriend spends Saturday nights at home with a book. Rather than enjoy the company of his co-workers, he prefers to dine alone at lunch. After he scoffs at the suggestion of attending another party, you come to the conclusion that he is a loner. But dating a loner does not have to be a relationship of isolation.

1 Ditch the Party

You may wonder why introverts seem so uneasy at parties. Brain research suggests that introverts become overstimulated at social gatherings. This theory is supported by MRI studies that show increased and rapid blood flow when they attend parties. Indeed, this blood flow is similar to what one would experience when in a dangerous or exhilarating situation. Try not to put your partner in situations that make him tense or uncomfortable. Find low-key ways to hang out together.

2 Making Observations

Introverts are also more likely to notice subtleties that many people miss. Because they are quiet and may be more withdrawn, introverts are more likely to have mastered the skill of observation. This makes them incredibly good friends, as they are able to pick up on changes in mood and offer support. Consider low-key dates. Watch a movie together or have an intimate dinner. Your partner will enjoy making observations and sharing them with you.

3 Don't Try to Change Us

Dating a loner may be difficult, especially if you are an extrovert. If you find yourself trying to change your partner, stop. Just as you feel revitalized by hanging out with other people, your partner gets the same feeling from solitude. Finding a balance can be difficult because "a loner can be perfectly content with their own company, while being alone will make another person utterly miserable," notes psychologist Ros Taylor. Instead of trying to change your partner, suggest small crowds in which you can hang out together. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to do your own thing every once in a while.

4 Leave Us Alone

Going solo gives you time to hang out with your friends and do the things you enjoy. It can benefit your partner as well. Some introverts crave alone time and find satisfaction in creative endeavors. Respect your partner's alone time and appreciate how it helps revitalize them.

Ashlea Campbell writes about families, relationships and health-related issues. In addition to writing professionally, she teaches writing courses at Collin College in Plano, Texas. She holds a Masters degree in English education from the University of Kansas.