It's a common story. You've been dating this girl for a few months and things are starting to get serious. Suddenly, she expresses that she doesn't want you spending so much time with your friends. She calls and texts you repeatedly when she knows you are with them, or she just gives you the cold shoulder. And she doesn't seem interested in trying to get to know them either. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. But finding out where your girlfriend is coming from is the first step in solving this puzzle.
The obvious reason your girl doesn't want you to spend time with your friends is because that equates to less time spent with her. Girls who are insecure often need more physical attention to feel good about themselves. No matter how much time you give to your clingy girlfriend, it seems like it's never enough for her. In this case, your girlfriend needs to work on learning how to keep herself company or rely more on her own friends.
She Just Doesn't Like Them
Your girlfriend may have personal reasons for disliking your friends. Maybe she finds them rude, childish, irresponsible, trashy or otherwise beneath her. Because a person is often judged by the kinds of friends he associates with, your girlfriend may be concerned with your self-image and your reputation, which ultimately affects her reputation as your girlfriend. If this is the case, she is putting her concern for her self-image above your need for friendship.
One reason your girl may be wary of your friends is if you hang around a lot of gal pals. Even if you've given her no reason to believe you would ever be unfaithful, she may worry about the motivations of other girls in your social group. If your girlfriend is the jealous type, it speaks volumes to her self-esteem. No matter how much you try to convince her that you love her and that you're not interested in anyone else, her jealousy will persist unless she works on her self-worth.
She Is Legitimately Worried
Your girlfriend may have legitimate concerns about the nature of the people you choose to hang out with. If your friends are involved in illegal activities, such as drugs, underage drinking, theft or gambling, or if they have proven to be dangerous, irresponsible people or risk takers, then she has good reason not to want you to spend time with them. She is likely concerned for your health or safety and what it would mean for the relationship if you were to get arrested for activities your friends were involved in.
- Teen Guide to Sex and Relationships; Jess C. Scott and Matt Posner
- In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships; Barrie Levy
- The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide; Jeremy Daldry
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