What Does It Mean if I'm Always Fighting With My Boyfriend?
In most relationships, both parties are responsible for an argument. Aside from abusive relationships or situations in which one person bullies the other, arguments are usually a give and take. In most cases, however, taking a careful look at your relationship, personal experiences, feelings and behaviors can help you figure out what is behind the constant fighting.
1 Abusive Relationships
Verbally and emotionally abusive relationships generally involve arguing. If your boyfriend is abusive, he may call you names, blame you for things that have gone wrong, hit you or coerce you into doing things against your will, explains HelpGuide.org. If you try to retaliate, it will likely lead to a fight. These types of fights are rooted in your boyfriend’s emotional issues -- not yours. You need the help of family, friends or social service agencies to get out of the situation safely.
2 Lack of Compatibility
If you and your boyfriend find yourselves arguing over major issues such as religion, lifestyle, career choices, educational choices or how to proceed in the relationship, you may not be compatible. Although these issues do not always lead to a fight, when two highly incompatible people are involved in a relationship, you will likely find yourself in volatile situations.
3 Inadequate Communication Skills
If you and your boyfriend fight about minor issues --such as whether to go to dinner or what movie to see -- both of you may not have strong communication skills. Effective communication is key to having a harmonious relationship. This involves asserting your needs in a respectful yet firm way and sharing your feelings without placing blame. Use “I statements” to express how you are feeling, professor of psychology John A. Johnson writes in the Psychology Today article "Are 'I' Statements Better than 'You' Statements?" Instead of saying, “You are such a slob!” you might say, “I feel overwhelmed with chores lately.”
4 Anger Management Issues
Constant fighting might stem from anger management or emotional regulation problems. Some individuals have difficulty controlling their temper. Others may become angry and lose control because of underlying mental health issues, such as an anxiety or mood disorder, explains Dr. James Whitney Hicks, a psychiatrist, in the eBook "Fifty Signs of Mental Illness," published on Yale University's website. If you feel like you are not in control of your emotions or notice that you or your boyfriend become angry easily, in addition to showing sings such as constant worry, sadness, appetite or sleep changes, talking to a professional counselor or doctor might help you get to the root of the problem.
- 1 Yale University: Fifty Signs of Mental Illness
- 2 Psychology Today: Are 'I' Statements Better than 'You' Statements?
- 3 HelpGuide.org: Domestic Violence and Abuse
- 4 University of Florida Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences: 9 Important Communication Skills for Every Relationship