People with secure attachments feel connected to their partner without limiting that partner's freedom, explains psychology expert Lisa Firestone in her HuffingtonPost.com article, "Is Your Attachment Style Hurting Your Relationship?" Their relationships involve honesty and comfort without jeopardizing independence. On the other hand, people with insecure attachments might cling to their partner or keep them at a distance out of fear of being hurt. If you want to aim for the healthiest relationship possible, learn to control your dating insecurities with a few strategies.
Meditate On It
A meditation exercise can help you overcome your dating insecurities, suggests life coach Mari Lyles in her Your Tango article "Insecurity's Disastrous Affect on Your Relationship." Find a quiet spot where you can relax when insecurities crop up. For each negative thought that appears, imagine yourself replacing it with a positive thought and passing the negative one to the universe. For example, if you think "This relationship might not last two weeks," push it away and replace it with "This relationship might last a lifetime."
Acknowledge that other people can increase your happiness, but you are the main source of it, Lyles says. Therefore, don't pass the brunt of that responsibility onto someone else, otherwise you become codependent or possessive. Practice self-love. Enjoy new hobbies, learn new skills and do things that make you feel accomplished. If necessary, take a break from the relationship and focus on maintaining your own self-confidence before jumping back into dating.
Don't spend time comparing your relationship or yourself with others, Lyles says. For example, just because someone's boyfriend bought her a diamond necklace doesn't mean you have to match or beat his gesture. Comparisons are unfair, because you tend to overestimate the other person's positive traits while demeaning your own. Acknowledge that neither you nor your partner will be perfect people, and focus on your own personal connection and foster the positive points of your unique relationship.
List and Challenge Insecurities
Picture your insecurities as building blocks to personal growth, suggests certified life coach Johanna Lyman in the Your Tango article "Using Insecurity as a Tool for Growth." First, make a list of each insecurity. Question each insecurity and ask yourself where it originated. For example, fears of infidelity might have developed because your father cheated on your mother. Now question if your fear is a valid concern to your current dating life. You will often find that insecurities have deep roots, but they are over-exaggerated relics of your past. Distinguish facts from beliefs.
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