Funny speeches need to be given with confidence, and you should practice your material in front of friends and family plenty of times in advance. Your pretend audiences can help ensure that you are putting the emphasis in the right places to build up the humor and then knock your listeners dead with surprise punchlines. Practice is essential to make the right impression with a funny speech.
How to Keep an Extremely Boring Conversation Going at a Party
Have a lot of fun with this one. We've all met some really boring people, so draw on the memory of conversations you have had with some for your material. Exaggerate the real experience to make it funnier. Think about how those conversations could have dragged on even longer, getting more and more boring as the other person talks about increasingly petty details. It will become completely ridiculous and highly amusing.
Best Optical Illusions to Give the Impression of a Clean House When Parents Come Home
For this speech, come up with some outrageous schemes to distract the parents, thereby creating the optical illusion. Guide their attention away from the mess with a sequence of carefully positioned mirrors, or persuade them they have come to the wrong house. Get a couple of friends to wait at the house, pretending it is where they live. This will confuse the parents into thinking they have the wrong address.
Why Homework is Bad for You
There are hundreds of ridiculous ideas to justify this proposition. If, for some bizarre reason, you can't think of any, ask your classmates. They will give you plenty of suggestions. Some ideas include not having enough time to strengthen your hands by playing video games; missing your favorite TV programs triggers fits; an allergic reaction to homework makes your arms fall off (making it impossible for you to write anyway) and doing your homework destroys your brother's confidence, as he never does his.
How to be a Successful Freeloader
Enlighten the audience on how to become a complete sponger and you will get plenty of laughs. Tell them the best ways to avoid paying their fair share on excursions with friends — going to the bathroom when it's time to pay for a meal is always a good one. Advise them to con their parents out of extra pocket money with a list of "the dog ate the last one" type of excuses and suggest gatecrashing events, like funerals and weddings, to eat the free food.
How to Kill Your Goldfish
With a topic as silly as this, your speech is bound to be amusing. Your goldfish could be the first to drown, or to accidentally be given a toilet funeral before it was dead — it wagged its fin, finally, as it disappeared around the S-bend. Explain how to depress your goldfish with a bowl that it can swim around in less than two seconds. Goldfish supposedly have memories that last for two seconds. Claim that they would never get bored in a bowl that takes longer than two seconds to swim around, but to cruelly give them a smaller one, would drive them crazy. Eventually they will become suicidal and kill themselves.
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