How to Deal With a Hurt Ego
A bruised ego comes easily if you think that when someone disagrees with you, says something uncomplimentary or does something better than you that the words and actions diminish who you are. Overcome that tendency by determining that it isn’t all about you, advises Dr. Steven Richfield, a child psychologist, on his Parent Coaching Cards website. Behave confidently based on a clear self-image and treating others well.
1 Don’t Take It Personally
Life has up and down days. People will disappoint you, say and do things that hurt you and succeed where you do not, but it isn’t all about you, advises parenting coach Sergio Diazgranados in his article, “Hurt Feelings.” When you don’t take it personally, it is easier to let it roll off your back and move forward. Don’t respond with hurtful words or actions that only make things worse, advises Richfield. Treat others as you want to be treated and you are more likely to receive the same.
2 Determining Your Response and Perspective
Relationship expert Wayne Dyer suggests that maintaining peace with others can help you to avoid feeling offended, in his article, “Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You.” Dyer also suggests that you release your need to win, have more, be right, feel superior or defend your reputation. All of those actions leave your ego in control of how you feel and respond. See your place in life as what you can create to the best of your ability. Also set aside what others think of you as something not under your control.
3 Working It Out
You are responsible only for your actions or words, not for the actions or words of others. Apologize if your actions led to the problem and try to see things from the perspective of others. Ask the other person why he or she responded to you in a specific way if you must know. State how it made you feel and why you were offended. It could be that you completely misinterpreted the situation. Use emotional word pictures such as “I felt like I had been punched” or “I wanted to crawl in a dark hole where no one could see me” so the person understands how you felt.
4 Learning to Roll
Find role models that will help you build a good life with as little drama as possible. Embrace mistakes and failures as a chance to learn, suggests marriage and family therapist Ron Huxley in “Ten Secrets Teens Want You To Know!” When you don’t know how to respond to the negativity of others, ask someone who always appears confident, even-tempered and rolls with the punches. You can learn a lot from that person in ways that will benefit you for years down the road, such as when your career or your marriage are challenged.