How to Admit You Were Wrong to Your Ex-Girlfriend

An apology works only if you are truly sorry for your actions.
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Every relationship has rough patches that involve arguments and disagreements. Admitting that you were wrong can be a very difficult thing to do, especially if you believe that your ex-girlfriend did something wrong as well. Your apology is more likely to be accepted if you truly regret what you did, you recognize how much you hurt your girl and you include some way of making amends.

1 Check Your Motives

It makes no sense to apologize if you don't really mean it. It will not be hard for your ex-girlfriend to judge if your words match your true feelings. Do not admit you were wrong just because someone else told you it is the right thing to do or because you believe that that is what is expected under the circumstances. Wait until you truly feel regret for what you did and are ready to take full responsibility for your actions before talking with your ex-girlfriend, suggests psychotherapist Beverly Engel in the article "How to Give a Meaningful Apology" on the University of Massachusetts website.

2 Accept Responsibility

Your apology will be more meaningful if you take responsibility for what you did wrong. Owning up to your mistakes is a show of humility, notes Alex Lickerman, M.D., in the Psychology Today article "How to Admit You're Wrong." It is a clear indication that you are aware that you are not perfect. This involves clearly stating what you did that was wrong. The bigger the mess up, the more difficult this step will be. You can say something like, “I lied. I should not have told you that I was home studying when I was really at the game with the guys."

3 Put Yourself in Her Place

Imagine the impact that your mistake had on your girl. The better you can identify with her feelings of being hurt or betrayed, the more likely she will be to see your apology as one that is sincere, suggests psychologist Guy Winch in "The Science of Effective Apologies" for Psychology Today. Think about how your actions might have affected her by putting yourself in her place. Think about how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot and she had done the same thing to you. Consider the words “I can only imagine how hurt and betrayed you felt when you found out the truth about my lie.”

4 Make Amends

End your admission of guilt with some suggestions on how you might make it up to your ex-girlfriend. Understand that admitting that you were wrong will not necessarily mean that you will get a second chance at a relationship with her. However, you can set the foundation for a working friendship. Ask her if there is anything that you can do to make up for the pain you caused her. If you broke her trust, you might try earning it back by keeping your word to call or text to check up on her or by lending a helping hand if she will let you. If you forgot an important date such as her birthday, plan a surprise soon after your apology to make it up to her.

Latoya Newman is a novelist who wrote and published her first novel in 2012. She has a background in education, research and counseling. She taught at the elementary level for eight years, and has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from York University in Toronto, Canada.