Good Things to Do for Your Girlfriend When You Have Messed Up

A sincere apology begins with taking full responsibility for your actions, writes psychologist John Grohol in “How to Make an Adept, Sincere Apology” on the Psych Central website. Be specific about your misdeed. Express remorse for your actions and assure her that you won’t repeat the mistake. If you aren’t truly sorry, don’t apologize or you will make the situation worse. Don’t use “if” in the apology. For example, “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” or “I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt.” This minimizes your responsibility and communicates that she is partially to blame.

Try to correct the situation. If you broke something, replace or repair it. While flowers and chocolates might be her favorite gifts, using that to soften her is a cheap way to get beyond the misdeed. If you hurt your girlfriend’s feelings, restore her dignity, suggests sociologist Martha Beck in “The Right Way to Apologize” for Oprah.com. Say that you are sorry. "I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sincerely sorry I hurt you.” Put it in writing on a pretty card so she sees that you understand.

A remorseful apology will help you reconnect with your girlfriend, according to mediator Sam Margulies in “How to Apologize to a Woman” for Psychology Today. If your girlfriend cares about the relationship, she will see reconnecting as a positive step. Offer to take her to the movie she’s dying to see, buy her lunch at her favorite eatery or do something she wants to do.

You might have no idea how make amends, so ask her for suggestions, advises Margulies. Say, “I want to make this right, but I don’t know how. What can I do to make this right and gain your forgiveness?” Listen to her and find common ground. Follow through on your promises. If she won’t forgive you, accept that and move on. Learn from the mistake and don’t repeat it.