What Do I Do When I Lied to My Boyfriend & Want to Work Things Out?
Lying can shake the very foundation of your relationship. Your boyfriend may find it hard to trust you again, or believe what you are saying. Working things out will depend on more than just your desire to make things right. You must be prepared for the fact that your boyfriend may be hesitant to easily forgive your deceit.
1 Accept Forgiveness
When you do something wrong, it is normal to feel guilty. You are likely to be ashamed and think negatively of yourself. You will continue to feel this way until you first accept the fact that you are human -- and that means messing up sometimes. Once you acknowledge this truth, you will be that much closer to forgiving yourself. Moving forward from your guilt and setting the right course to rebuild your relationship will also mean that you must receive forgiveness from your boyfriend.
2 Apologize From the Heart
An honest apology given at the right time and with real emotions can be effective in making your boyfriend think differently about you and what you did. It is one of the stepping stones to healing broken trust in a relationship. Say exactly what you did that was wrong and that you are sorry. For example, “I know that I’ve hurt you by lying about going out with my friends when I was actually out with another guy. I am really sorry."
3 Be Consistent
Be prepared to take on the extra pressure of proving that you can be trusted again. You will need to be as consistent in your words and actions as possible, asserts marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers in her Huffington Post article, "For the Betrayer: 8 Things You Must Know and Do to Rebuild Trust After an Affair." Unfortunately, you may feel as if you are walking on eggshells until trust is restored. Call when you say you will and show up when you say you will. Keep your promises. Consider giving him the go-ahead to check up on you throughout the day by way of a phone call or text to see where you are and who you are with.
4 Time and Patience
Regaining trust in your relationship is hard work. Give your boyfriend the time and space he may need to deal with his own inner pain. The more severe the lie, the more difficult it may be for him to deal. Forgiving you does not mean that he automatically forgets. Give an ear if he wants to vent. Be patient with him if he has any questions about the incident. You may need to apologize several times throughout the process of healing. Take some emotional space for yourself as well. Go for walks through the mall or go get some ice-cream in the park. Do things that make you feel happy -- either with or without your boyfriend -- so that you can maintain good mental health.