How Not to Feel Bad About Yourself When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want You Anymore
The feelings that follow a breakup are tormenting. One minute you may be in tears, the next you may feel angry and the next you may feel alone and rejected. It can be difficult to look positively at yourself when your boyfriend no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. Breakups are painful, but you don't have to feel bad about yourself. Focus on yourself, and moving forward, and you'll find happiness again.
1 Process Your Feelings
It's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Be aware of your feelings and don't try to bury them. You may want to cry or scream into a pillow. If it will make you feel better, do it. It may help to write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. It's hard to let go of the person you loved and the idea of what could have been. Give yourself no more than a two-week time period to mourn, suggests Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a professor of English at the University of Connecticut, in the article "How to Act After a Break-Up: 5 Things to Remember" for "Psychology Today."
2 Find the Good in Yourself
It always hurts when someone breaks up with you. People going through heartbreak may feel bad about themselves, exaggerating their faults and blaming themselves, as if they deserve their current unhappiness, according to the TeensHealth article "Getting Over a Break-Up." Remind yourself of your positive qualities or ask a friend to remind you. For example, you may have a great sense of humor, care deeply for others or be a great listener. The end of your relationship doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. There may have been compatibility issues that have nothing to do with you as a person. Try not to take the breakup personally.
3 Focus Your Attention Elsewhere
Moving on after a breakup is easier if you have no contact with your ex-boyfriend for a minimum of three months, says Emma Staddon, a life coach trained at the Life Coaching Academy in Europe, in the "The Importance of the No Contact Rule After a Breakup" on The Breakup Mermaid. Avoid looking at your ex's Facebook or Twitter page, sending him emails or text messages, and calling him. If possible, avoid places where you know you will run into him. No contact with your ex should give you time to think more clearly and reestablish your self-confidence and life, says Staddon. Focus on building closer relationships with your friends and family. If you had friendships fall to the wayside, reestablish those relationships. Spend time focusing on your hobbies and interests. Take time to exercise, which will help make you feel better.
4 Seek Support From Others
Wanting to spend some time alone is normal, but don't isolate yourself from your friends and family. Isolating yourself can cause you to become consumed with your thoughts and feelings, resulting in increased sadness and hurt, says Nathan Feiles, a counselor in New York City, in "How to Get Over a Breakup" on Psych Central. Make plans with your friends and spend time with your family, sharing your thoughts as needed. If you are having a very difficult time, seek out a professional counselor.