You think you've found the guy of your dreams. The only problem is he's the guy of your friend's dreams as well -- and she's already laid claim to him. If you have a crush on your best friend's boyfriend, the best thing to do is to concentrate on distracting yourself and putting your focus elsewhere. Nothing good can come of this attraction.
Identify the Reason
Insecurity is often the reason why women are attracted to unavailable men, says clinical psychologist Seth Meyers in "Why Women Love & Lust After Unavailable Men: Traumatic Love" on Psychology Today. When the guy falls for them, a woman attracted to these sort of situations may have her worth affirmed. If you suspect these sort of unconscious motives may be at play, work to identify them so they will lose their power and you can engage in healthy relationships with appropriate partners. You may also want to consider factors such as feelings of jealousy or competitiveness, or that you're attracted to your friend's unavailable guy simply because you're not ready for a true relationship.
Tap in to Empathy
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes. It has a profound effect on the quality of our interactions with others, and is a vital skill for successful relationships, notes psychologist Robert Brooks on his website. Close your eyes and imagine your friend attempting to take a boyfriend from you. Acknowledge the feelings of jealousy, betrayal and confusion that will likely arise. Developing the ability to see the situation from your friend's point of view can help you to resist acting on temptation.
Change Your Focus
The best way to avoid acting on your attraction to your friend's boyfriend is to avoid communicating with him whenever possible. Don't text, call or hang out with him when your friend is not around. Instead, find a hobby or volunteer activity that will give you a good feeling. Taking this approach will help you to feel good about yourself, whereas giving in to temptation will not only destroy your friendship, but may wreck your self-esteem as well.
Keep Your Mouth Closed
Whatever you do, don't give into the urge to unburden yourself of your inappropriate romantic feelings -- at least not to your friend or her boyfriend. Doing so will likely destroy your friendship, and is unlikely to net you the guy. If your feelings are overwhelming, talk to a trusted family member, school counselor or other individual who you are 100 percent certain will keep the matter private. Writing about your feelings will calm you and help you to sort them out so you can resist the urge to spill all.
- Psychology Today: Why Women Love & Lust After Unavailable Men -- Traumatic Love
- Robert Brooks, Ph.D.: The Importance of Empathy -- A Significant Feature of the Mindset of Successful People, Part II
- Hitched: Avoiding Temptations of an Affair
- Counselor -- The Magazine for Addiction Professionals: Journaling -- Weaving Together Thoughts and Feelings through Writing
- Comstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty Images