You and your ex-girlfriend have parted ways, but you find yourself thinking about her all the time. If you want her back, you'll have to do some serious reflection. Carefully consider how you will go about becoming a couple again.
Take It Slow
While you might be excited to dive in with your ex and make up for lost time, it is important to go slowly, advises the Cosmopolitan article, "How to Get Back With Your Ex." You both may have changed during your time apart. You may need time to get to know each other again. Look at this as a brand new relationship, said Bethany Marshall, a marriage and family therapist interviewed by Cosmopolitan.
Think about what went wrong the first time, said Robert Buchicchio, couples therapist interviewed by Cosmopolitan. For example, maybe you broke up because your ex thought you were too clingy and didn't give her enough space. Or maybe it bothered you that she is on the quiet side, while you are extroverted. Decide if you are willing to move past these issues and start fresh. If not, the same problems will pop up and history will repeat itself.
Make a Change
Consider making changes that will allow things to go smoothly this time, writes Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, in her Psychology Today article, "How to Get an Ex Back: 5 Essential Steps." Identify hot button issues in your relationship. Maybe she got angry because you didn't answer her texts. In your new relationship, vow to answer her right away. Or maybe you became jealous when she wanted to have a girls' night out. If you are serious about wanting to be with her, make it a priority to give her more space.
Consider whether you truly miss her. If you simply miss going to dinner, parties or the movies with someone, those things can be done with a new girlfriend. You may have forgotten why you broke up. Maybe she was critical of your family or scoffed at your career goals. While being single can be difficult, it frees your time and energy to find a better match.
You might wonder how to go about reconnecting with your ex-girlfriend. Gary Chapman, a pastor who holds a doctorate in theology and wrote the book "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts," suggests speaking to her in her preferred way of expressing affection. He describes the five ways people show affection: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, service and physical touch. If your ex girlfriend always picked out thoughtful gifts for you, go out of your way and buy her something unique that is in line with her interests. If your ex has the gift of gab and loved to express her feelings during your relationship, write a note describing your feelings.
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