How to End a Long-Term Relationship Because He's Not Mr. Right
While your long-term relationship once left you feeling good about yourself and hopeful about the future, you now dread getting a phone call or email from your boyfriend. As relationships progress, you may find that your original thoughts about your partner were wrong -- and that you are no longer a compatible match. Though this realization can be an emotionally difficult one, it may mean that it is time to end your romance with "Mr. Wrong."
1 Special Considerations
When preparing for the breakup speech, think about the specific reasons that your long-term boyfriend is not "Mr. Right." Simply saying that he is not right for you can leave your boyfriend without the answers necessary to recover from the breakup, according to the Two of Us article, "Breaking Up with Kindness and Respect." Whatever reasons you have for ending the relationship, say them kindly and respectfully. Rather than saying, "You think you can go out of state and I'm just supposed to be okay with that," you might instead say, "I want to stay here and date locally, and you want to move away. I don't think our views of the future match."
2 Practice and Planning
Before calling things off, spend plenty of time thinking through your decision -- you do not want to be swayed while you are having the breakup conversation, according to the KidsHealth article, "How to Break Up Respectfully." You should also keep your thoughts to yourself beforehand, or mutual friends may unwittingly break the news to your boyfriend, instead. Rehearse what you are going to say and consider how your boyfriend might react to the news. He may accept it calmly or he could become angry, and planning for those reactions is a necessity.
3 Letting it Out
Unless distance is a factor, plan to end things in person, but in private, according to the Emily Post Institute article, "Breaking Up." Rather than assigning blame, calling names or drawing out the conversation to avoid the inevitable, get straight to the point. You might say, "You have a great sense of humor and you have been there for me when times are tough, but we argue a lot, so I want to breakup. I know this is hard to hear. I will always be glad that we got to know each other," according to KidsHealth.
4 Other Concerns
If you feel warmly about your boyfriend, but don't find him a suitable long-term match, considering a breakup can be difficult. However, you should always be direct and honest about your feelings -- avoiding your boyfriend to end the relationship is cowardly and hurtful, according to KidsHealth. Giving your boyfriend false hope -- like reassuring him that the breakup is just for now, or that you are not certain about your feelings -- can also lead to more problems for both of you.