How to Avoid Neediness & Insecurity in a Relationship

Put down your phone and give your guy a break for the day.
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Clinging to your guy and shadowing his every movement won't win you a long-term love. Feeling insecure about yourself and your relationship isn't an attractive quality. That said, avoiding insecurity -- and the resulting neediness -- is a challenge you can conquer. If your lack of confidence is getting in the way of your love life, dig deep and make the changes necessary to build a healthy relationship.

1 It's Not Showtime

Feeling some sense of insecurity in a relationship is common, according to social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson on the Psychology Today website. Although some insecurity is expected -- especially in a newly formed union -- showing insecurity makes you look needy. For example, clinging to your girl's side and insisting that you tag along with her on ladies' night out may make her doubt your relationship. When you feel insecure, identify the reasons why you feel this way, but keep the insecurity to yourself. Instead of bringing your needy ways out into the open, make it a point to stop these negative behaviors. If you don't put your insecurity on display, your partner isn't likely to see it.

2 Think Positively

If you're struggling to put a pin in your clingy ways, change your thinking to a more positive light. Set a positive goal for yourself -- such as cutting down on the number of texts you send your guy. Imagine how it feels to reach your goal of ridding yourself of your insecure ways. Feel those positive thoughts you'll have when you reach your goal. List them in your head or write them on a piece of paper. Create a mental contrast to boost your positive thoughts and focus by thinking about what the obstacles in your way are.

3 Plan It Out

Instead of acting on your neediness and calling your beau every 15 minutes when he's away, create a game plan to avoid any insecure behaviors. Write down an "if-then" statement, which lists the "if" statement of when you engage in a certain behavior you will "then" do something to stop or change that behavior. For example, you might say, "If I am feeling like I need to text, call and email him to find out where he is, then I will call my BFF and go out for a jog, instead."

4 Ask for It

Cutting out the neediness doesn't mean that you don't need anything from your partner. It means that you can handle those needy emotions yourself, without relying on your partner, or anyone else, to calm those uncomfortable feelings inside you. Instead of turning yourself into a clingy partner, make your needs and wants clear to your mate. Avoid clinging to your girl, looking for her to emotionally support you or to read your mind when it comes to your needs. For example, if you're feeling insecure because she never responds to your texts, ask her why and then suggest that she text you back with a simple, "OK" once in a while.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.