Few dating disasters are as humiliating as being stood up. If the person who blew you off also happens to be your steady boyfriend, you might run through a series of extreme emotions at lightning speed. Alternately worrying that he’s dead and vowing to kill him, you are in no emotional state to make any decisions. Here’s how to cope.

Cool Your Jets

Sometimes things happen with no warning, and people aren’t always able to let others know right away. From food poisoning to getting stuck in a meeting, your boyfriend might actually have a logical explanation, notes YourTango.com. The explanation is just as likely to be acceptable as unacceptable, and it will probably be something you never could have predicted. Take deep breaths and try to calm down until you have more information.

Blow Off Steam

It is perfectly normal to be angry, upset and scared. Vent your emotions to a friend, relative or disinterested third party. Do not contact your boyfriend at this stage. Angry, accusatory texts or voice mails will only make things worse. If you still feel rotten after having a good cry with someone else, hit the gym or go for a run. The American Psychological Association points out that physical activity releases endorphins and lifts your mood.

Think Things Through

When you are calm, think through the situation. Maybe you didn’t actually have firm plans. Perhaps your boyfriend was waiting at a different restaurant. Miscommunication is a major reason for missed connections, according to Match.com. If your boyfriend legitimately stood you up, he probably has an explanation. Decide what reasons would be acceptable and which are absolute deal-breakers. Also consider his past behavior. If this is a regular pattern, it might be time to let him go. If he is always kind and attentive, he might be worth a second chance.

Have a Conversation

Whether you call him or wait for him to call you, sooner or later you have to talk. Ask your boyfriend directly what happened, but avoid passive-aggressive comments like, “I see you’re not dead.” Listen openly to his explanation and ask clarifying questions if needed. Pay attention to what he says and how he says it. A genuine apology goes a long way, as does a contrite tone of voice. If you need time to decide what to do, tell him that. Whether to forgive your boyfriend is up to you, but starting an argument is counterproductive. Listen, consider and make a decision when you are ready.