You might want a clean break after a break-up, but if your ex-girlfriend is still contacting you, it can make things confusing. There could be many reasons why she would want to talk to you after the relationship has ended. If you haven't had time to process the break-up, talking to your ex can bring up many different emotions for both of you.
It can be tough to move on from a break-up, especially if things ended abruptly. Your ex may want to ask you questions if she was blindsided by the break-up. But don't feel bad if you don't feel comfortable answering questions, says grief counselor and relationship coach Susan J. Elliot in her book, "Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You." As confusing as a sudden break-up can be, closure is not necessarily needed to move on, Elliot says. More often than not, an ex demanding closure is looking for an excuse to talk to you. Sometimes asking and answering questions can make the former couple feel better, but for those issues that remain unresolved, no matter how many answers are given, it can make both people feel worse.
Angry, Wants to Fight
If the relationship ended badly, your former girlfriend may have a few more angry words for you before letting you go. Anger is part of the grieving process, and during a break-up it is normal to feel angry that the relationship didn't work out. In "30-Minute Therapy: Everything You Need to Know in the Least Amount of Time," counselor Ronald Potter-Efron and psychotherapist Patricia Potter-Efron explain that people who do not accept their angry feelings are more likely to do something they might regret -- such as calling up an ex to start an argument. She may be trying to suppress her anger that the relationship didn't work out. By letting that anger build up, she eventually blows up and takes it out on you.
Even though one of you has made the decision to end your romantic relationship, your ex-girlfriend may still want a friendship with you. But before jumping into a friendship soon after the break-up, Elliot suggests you give each other space and time apart. Also consider the reason why you broke up. Did the relationship end because of your ex's bad attitude? If so, consider whether you would want to put up with that in a friendship.
Wants to Rekindle Romance
There is a possibility that your ex is trying to get in contact to win you back. She may feel the relationship is worth saving and that it might work out if she expresses how much she misses you. Before jumping back into her arms, consider what caused the break-up and if it can be fixed. If one or both of you want to change the other person to make it work, trying again may not be worth it, according to author Elizabeth Svoboda's article, "Domestic Drama: On-Again-Off-Again," on "Psychology Today." Get advice from family and friends who know you and have been around to witness how the relationship went down.
- Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images