No matter how many times you've promised yourself you would never be “that girl,” a guy asking for space can send you reeling. Yet private time is actually good for relationships, stresses relationship expert Megan Raphael in an article for eHarmony.com. Creating the space that you both need is not easy, but the rewards are well worth it.
Understanding Your Feelings
You might wonder why you are afraid to let go, even for an occasional evening apart. This is usually rooted in your background, sometimes all the way back in your early childhood. According to psychologist Mark Banschick in the "Psychology Today" article "Clingy Intimacy," you might have trouble with basic trust. Think back through your life. Did you ever have separation anxiety? Were you scared when you started school? Clinginess sometimes starts later, after a trauma or even a bad breakup. If you recognize a pattern of neediness, it is time to break the cycle.
Investing in Yourself
Whether you have a history of clinginess or this is a new development, the best way to work through it is to invest in yourself, suggest the staff writers at eHarmony in "How to Stop Being So Clingy!" Take a class, find your passion or spend time honing your talents. Whatever made you feel content, fulfilled and proud to be you before your relationship can fill that need again. Stop relying on your boyfriend to make you feel worthwhile, and discover your inner strength.
Finding Social Support
If you and your boyfriend have recently spent a great deal of time together, not having him there can leave you feeling empty and lonely. Rather than curling up on the couch with ice cream and TV reruns, call a friend. Sign up for a hobby group and make a new friend. Spend time with your parents or siblings. No matter how much you and your boyfriend love each other, no one person can fill 100 percent of your emotional needs. Learn to fill the time and space with other people who are important to you.
Taking a Step Back
The eHarmony staff points out that cohesiveness is much healthier than adhesiveness. When you and your boyfriend are cohesive, you are equally committed and contributing to the relationship. If the relationship becomes adhesive, one person is putting in far more work and effort than the other. If you notice yourself becoming adhesive, take an intentional step back. Create your own space and fill it with all the other great things in your life. Give your boyfriend the chance to miss you rather than taking for granted that you will always be there.
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