It can be confusing when your girlfriend says that “the spark is gone.” You know this is a bad thing, but you’re unsure exactly how bad it is. While she is probably unhappy in your relationship right now, the good news is that you can use this situation to improve your relationship.

Understanding “Spark”

You know that feeling when you first meet a girl and you have an instant connection with her? Maybe you felt a vibe with her when you realized that you loved the same indie music artist. Or perhaps her smile made you blush and want to do anything to see it again. This is the “spark” that will lead you to have loving feelings for a girl. Your girlfriend felt this way about you when you first met her.

Now that she says the spark is gone, she means that she doesn’t feel the same instant connection that she used to have. But all hope is not lost. Most romantic relationships lose some “spark” over time, and it’s completely normal, according to Barbara Markway, Ph.D., in the "Psychology Today" article “A Simple Way to Put the Spark Back into Your Relationship.”

Bring the Spark Back

Try doing things that you used to do that brought you and your girlfriend together in the first place. Try going back to the place where you first met and going over the story of how you met. Tell her how you felt when you first saw her and how your heart skipped a beat when you met her eyes. These things can help her remember why she was first drawn to you.