Whether her ex cheated on her, lied to her or just treated her badly, getting a girl who's been through heartache to like you may seem like a challenge. If your crush has been hurt in the past, you'll need to approach her with careful consideration before you make your big move. Instead of aggressively pursuing her, take it slow and prove to her that you're not anything like her ex.
Don't Let Her Self-Loath
A bad breakup can lead to self-loathing or an overly critical self-perception, according to clinical psychologist Jill P. Weber in her article "From Romantic Heartache to Something Better" on the "Psychology Today" website. If the girl who's caught your eye doesn't see what you see in her, help her overcome her negative perceptions. Focus on her pros in a caring way. For example, if she says, "I failed a Spanish test again. I'm so stupid. Jack used to always say that I'm a dummy," tell her, "It seems like your mind isn't on school, maybe that's why you did badly. I think you're smart. And isn't Jack failing most of his classes anyway?"
Her past heartache may make her feel like men, especially her ex, don't have any respect for her. If you want to get the girl to like you, show her that you do respect her. Value her opinions, thoughts and feelings during every conversation that you have with her and through your actions. For example, she starts talking to you about a band that you can't stand. Instead of saying, "How could you possibly like them?" try something such as, "They don't play my favorite type of music, but I think it's cool that we have some different interests."
If your crush has concerns about guys understanding her boundaries, show her that you can make her feel comfortable. For example, in her past relationship, her ex pressured her to get physical before she was ready -- and didn't acknowledge or accept her boundaries. You need to make it clear that you won't do the same thing. As you get to know her, prove that you're completely alright with her boundaries by backing off when she needs space.
Coming on too strong or acting aggressively may make your potential partner go running. If you're dealing with a girl who's been hurt in the past, use a caring style of communication to slowly ease into a romance. Show her how you feel with "I" statements such as, "I feel really close to you," or "I feel really happy about getting to know you." When it comes to her feelings, ask what's going on in her head and support her emotional recovery from her past bad relationship. For example, say something such as, "How have you been feeling lately? Is there anything I can do?" Doing so shows that you care, making her more interested in you.
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