Etiquette for Not Attending a Wedding
JENNIFER SPIRKO
COLLEGE
While it is an honor to be invited to someone’s wedding, you may not be able to accept every invitation. It is not rude to decline a wedding invitation, as long as you do so promptly, politely and personally. It is “unacceptable” to accept an invitation and then not show up, warns the Emily Post Institute’s invitation guide.
1 The Timing of a Refusal
Respond to any wedding invitation as soon as you can, and, in any case, respond by the deadline requested by the host. The Emily Post Institute suggests replying within two days. Don’t assume that not replying will convey to the host you won’t attend; on the contrary, Kate Wood suggests in MSN Living that hosts often count a non-reply as a “yes,” to ensure they have plenty of food, drink and seats for any guests who do show up.
2 The Form of a Refusal
Wood recommends including more than a blunt “no” when declining an invitation; jot a note on the back of the reply card, she suggests, or include a short note in the same envelope. Such explanations soften the refusal and personalize the reply. If you are close to the bride or groom, give them a phone call, try to arrange a social date, or make a connection in some other way as an alternative to not attending the wedding. If you are not especially close, a simple note with your refusal should suffice.
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