Some men find a lack of confidence in a woman attractive in the initial stages of dating. Men like to feel needed, so your insecurity can fuel his desire to protect, and your vulnerable side might make him feel it is easier to get close. In the long term, however, neediness and jealousy can push a man away -- whereas true self-confidence will help love to bloom.
If you lack self-confidence, you may try harder to please a man on a first date, suggests a study published in 2010 in the journal, "Personal Relationships." You might be more agreeable and come across as "nice" during the early stages of dating, making you more appealing to a man because you seem so easy to get along with. Just be sure that you aren't ignoring your own needs in favor of making a good impression. Build confidence by offering a different viewpoint than your partner once in a while -- and say "no" if you strongly disagree about a topic. A man who values you will welcome your opinions.
If you lack confidence you may bring out the "inner savior" in a man, asserts psychologist Seth Meyers on "Psychology Today" online. Most men have a need to be needed. If you come across as fragile and needing comfort, a man may feel good offering you the protection and love that you need. Unfortunately, you may also put yourself at risk of becoming dependent on your partner for that love and support. Reduce this risk by maintaining ties to friends and family who will be there if the relationship ends.
Vulnerable and Real
Beyond the desire to "save" you, a man may see your vulnerable side as an easy way to forge a love connection. You may come across as more "real" -- which can be attractive to men in a relationship, writes author Therese Bouchard on PsychCentral. In this way, your insecurity is a sign that your life is not "all about you." Don't be afraid to be honest about your feelings and let a man know the real you.
Neediness and Jealousy
If you suffer with a severe lack of confidence, however, you may ruin a relationship with your constant need for reassurance and approval, warns psychologist Joseph Nowinski on "Psychology Today" online. If you become smothering, critical, distrustful or possessive, your relationship could be in trouble. These issues are signs of a deep problem with insecurity that you may need to work on by yourself or with a therapist, before you are ready for a love relationship.
Building self-confidence can help to improve your relationship. One way to become more confident is to create a "self-esteem file," as described by Bouchard. When somebody pays you a compliment or gives you praise, write a little note to yourself about what was said and place it in your file. Be sure to spend time with people who are supportive, and over time you will have a collection of written reminders to boost your feelings of self-worth.
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