Losing your boyfriend’s trust can challenge your relationship and require you to expend energy to recover his belief in you. You may have betrayed his trust by lying, stealing, hiding information, revealing a confidence, not making him a priority, making angry outbursts or engaging in infidelity. Let your boyfriend know that you regret your actions and take steps to repair the relationship.
Admit and Apologize
Admit what you did wrong and take full responsibility for your actions, advises social worker Kim Romen in “How to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship.” Name your offense in your apology, such as saying “I lied when I should have been honest, and I’m sorry.” Don’t try to blame your boyfriend or someone else for your offense, such as saying “If you had only…” or “I only did that because…” Your boyfriend needs to know that you are aware of what you did and that your actions were wrong.
Listen to and Address His Feelings
Allow him an opportunity to tell you how your actions affected him. Empathize, repeating his feeling back to him so he feels heard, suggests psychologist Melanie Greenberg in “Four Steps to Relationship Repair with The H-E-A-L Technique.” You might say, “I understand that you are hurt and feel betrayed by my actions. I know it will be hard to forgive me, but I hope we can get through this together.” He might have questions about your actions. Answer them honestly and expect that you may have to deal with your betrayal for a while before you're forgiven.
Make Amends and Be Patient
Ask your boyfriend how you can make things right, suggests therapist Sheri Meyers in “For the Betrayer: 8 Things You Must Know and Do to Rebuild Trust.” He might ask you to tell him when you talk to your ex or to report your location when you're not with him. Do whatever he asks you to do or let him know why you can’t and find an alternative. Don’t make any promises that you aren’t willing to keep or you will only make things worse. It will take time to prove that you have reformed.
Move Forward and Forgive
Carefully consider your actions and the message you send to your boyfriend. Show him that he can depend on you to be trustworthy. Don’t expect his forgiveness, but thank him if you get it. You also must forgive yourself for messing up. Self-forgiveness will reduce your anger and hostility, as well as lower your tendency to do destructive things in the future. Forgiveness will also increase your ability to love and trust, escape the control of your past and improve your physical health.
- Jupiterimages/liquidlibrary/Getty Images