Your stomach clenches with an uneasy feeling, your palms begin to sweat and your eyes well up, feeling the sting of tears. If this describes how you feel when you accidentally make your crush or boyfriend mad at you, coming up with a plan to resolve the conflict is a must. While you never meant to make him mad, smoothing things over pronto can ease your mind and get you back on track.
While it's tempting to rush to the guy's side and follow him around apologizing, shadowing him won't lessen his immediate anger -- it may, in fact, have the opposite effect. Neediness can push your guy away, according to psychiatrist Mark Banschick in his article "Who Wants To Be Needy? Six Solutions" on the Psychology Today website. Unless he's mad at you because you've been conspicuously absent in his life, don't invade his space in an effort to make amends. This goes for texts, emails, social media posts and other electronic communications as well.
After giving your guy some space to cool down, you'll need to craft a heart-felt apology. Apologizing when you've done something to hurt another person can help to re-build a healthy relationship, according to the article "Apologizing" on the Nemours Center for Children's Health Media's website TeensHealth. Acknowledge your mistake, take responsibility for your actions and reassure your guy that you'll try not to repeat the offense in the future. Instead of an impersonal "I'm sorry," try something more meaningful, such as, "I'm sorry that I joked about the way you look in that shirt. I was just being silly."
After you hurt him, even if it's accidentally, your guy may not be ready to accept your apology. If you don't understand why your guy is rejecting your efforts to make up for your mistake, finding a coping strategy can help you to de-stress. Acknowledge that the rejection makes you feel hurt. Instead of going it alone, talk to a close friend, parent or other confidant about your issue. While you don't want to chat non-stop about the offense, asking a friend to serve as a sounding board may help you process your nervousness, fear or sadness.
Depending on what you did, your guy may have lost his trust in you. Even an accidental offense can break a bond, leaving him skeptical about trusting you in the future. While saying "You can trust me" may help, you also need to show him that you're trustworthy. Acting trustworthy includes keeping promises, being honest and showing loyalty, according to the article "Character Counts! -- Trustworthiness" by West Virginia University Extension agent Zona Hutson. Demonstrating these trustworthy traits over time can help you to get back into your guy's good graces.
- Psychology Today: Who Wants To Be Needy? Six Solutions; Mark Banschick, M.D.
- TeensHealth: Apologizing
- TeensHealth: Rejection and How to Handle It
- PsychCentral: How to Make an Adept, Sincere Apology; John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
- West Virginia University Extension Service: Character Counts! -- Trustworthiness; Zona Hutson
- Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images